i have nothing to blame my retarded, awkward behavior on. i regret most of what I don't do. and most of what i don't.

i'm way too used to fucking shit up.

"We all become important when we realize our goal
Should be to figure out our role within the context of the whole
And yeah, rock and roll is fun, but if you ever hear someone
Say you are huge, look at the moon, look at the stars, look at the sun
Look at the ocean and the desert and the mountains and the sky
Say I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye"

this will resolve itself into being # seven.
eventually, all will be understood.
if i can even get there.

i'm really stupid.
so i threw a party saturday night with my friend, and we got like... 80 dollars worth of liquor and beer and dropped 50 on weed and then got sheas hookah over. so a lot of kids come and i generally sucked at life, but i had a lot of fun.
so by about 10, i was so drunk i almost passed out in this chair, but i couldn't cause i was smoking weed, right? and then i threw up all over her back yard and shit haha. (i brought this up to show that i was super fucked up really, really, early.)

but whatever, so i go back downstairs cause i was bored with the people outside, or we agreed to go downstairs or something, or someone had just gotten there. and we go downstairs and everythings dandy and im sitting next to shea and mason and this other kid and someone fuckin knocks over the hookah and burns holes ALL over laurens carpet.
thats how we got fucked. thats how her parents found out and called mine.
i also had to clean up SO much puke, like, it was everywhere. ewww.
on the front door, in the flower beds, ON MY FEET, by where these kids were sleeping. whatever. haha.

so im grounded for a hella long time. maybe i'll actually keep up with this.
OH, so, what helped with this was i pierced a few things my parents didn't know about and they found out about it a week before the party went down.
lets just say im not going to atmosphere....
which is a bummer.
god i have some funny pictures from that night though.

beautiful night.
i wonder if we see the same clouds after twelve hours? or if we ever see the same clouds.

night time night time night time.
my hands are shaking, but they always are.

"it was twenty years ago today..." they had it right.

sleeping soundly. being awake. existence. cause we fuckin live here!!! HERE!

what are trumpets made of?

we'll talk about these dreams another day.

for about a week. in the spings!!
but,
when i get back i'm going to try really hard to do some more photography.
um.
i'm really happy.

my dad is playing his blonde guitar so loudly i can feel the vibrations all over my body.

things are neutral and simple.
i want some turkish jadess